ME.

When reading a blog, especially if the blogger is a friend of mine, I really, truly want to know what is going on in their lives. I want to keep connected with them even if we aren’t able to hang out very often… or ever! I really want to read something real and honest. So, here's a real life post from me!

I am Alexis. I am first and foremost a wife but I am also an adoring mother, a daughter, sister and friend. Although it seems some days that I have lost “ME,” I am still here. I am just devoting the majority of my time, at the moment, to my family. In order to have a happy family, I need a happy husband and a happy me. In order to have happy children we need a happy marriage. In order to raise children who are a joy to us as well as those around us I have to devote myself… I mean reeeally devote myself. It’s a tiring job to almost never get a break. It takes relentless effort, desire and motivation to rear moral children. But, like I said, it is what I have chosen to do right now. Here's to hoping I actually succeed!

But, don’t worry, my life isn’t boring. We stay busy with an adventurous life. I still work in a little bit of me time too. I paint my nails at least twice a year and in the 4 years we’ve been married I have gotten my hair professionally done 3 times! J (Unfortunately not before these photos… it had been 5 months!) I have also completed a professional certificate in graphic design and last week I signed up for an online photography class. Now, if I can somehow work in a master's degree. I like to work out and I love to be healthy. When my husband is away I always put the kids to bed early so I can read a book or watch a movie, blog or well… clean the house (cause unfortunately it HAS to be done). It helps me escape reality for a brief period and allows me to feel renewed. I am always ready to jump back into my own reality, which for me, is perfect.

(Side note about these two pictures. The one below was supposed to look like the one above but right as the self-timer went off I stepped in a hole and had to catch myself. You know, I WAS sprinting out in the middle of a muddy field to get the pretty wild flowers in my pictures. Hence I got this awkward, sultry pose with a misplaced hand.)

I am not a major shopper, not obsessed with fashion but still love all material things in balance. One day I want to decorate a house. A house that is ours. One we won’t leave in three years. Currently I don’t have motivation to make our house really cute… and really “ours”. We move so often that I don’t want to buy a bunch of stuff that doesn’t “work” in the next house. I want a yard, I want a fence. I want a garden. I really want chickens, a couple of goats and maybe even some sheep. Badly. But we won’t get into that right now. I want a piano and a music room. I want a treadmill and a bit of workout room. I want my children to see my priorities and I want to be an example of a balanced, good, moral person for them.

Recently, I discovered MY way of eating and I’m narrowing “my” philosophy and belief on health. For the first time in years I don’t feel like I have to count calories, worry about the food I eat or stress I will make myself fat. I have found the stress-free (for me) approach to health and feeling good. I might share more on this later but a brief description- I eat real, unprocessed, full fat foods and I don’t worry about the amount of calories I eat. I try not to eat packaged, processed foods. I don’t really eat cereal, candy, or most things that come in a box or package. My shopping cart is usually full of food from the produce and refrigerated sections. I will still enjoy treats here and there. I focus on using raw honey, 100% maple syrup, unrefined cane sugar or coconut sugar if I make something sweet. I finally feel at peace with myself physically and although I wasn’t trying to lose weight, I lost a couple of pounds when I stopped counting calories, and started eating real food and full fat food… all the while eating my fill. I still have a long way to go to be truly healthy but, I have noticed big changes in the way I feel since changing the way I eat.

Sam and I want to have another child. In fact this last week we miscarried. Tonight I go in for my follow up to make sure everything looks good. We were not super far along. I was 8 weeks when I found out and 9 weeks when everything was still growing but the EMBRYO (minor detail) and finally went in for a D&C. We were pretty excited about it because it took us almost 6 months to get pregnant. For us, that was long, for most I know it is short. Now, we are dealing with an impending deployment and the realization that we may not get pregnant for another year or more. It took me a day or two of being sad, but I realized that I am not in control of the situation. Someone greater than me is. And I trust him with all of my heart. I know my only job in life is to do my best at whatever I am doing and to be happy and grateful for what I have. There are many things we can’t control and the only way we can be happy is to be at peace with that. I need to be happy and content with my life as it is at the moment. It is another realization that frees me. It frees me from myself. I can be happy and I don’t have to have everything I want, right when I want it… (or maybe never at all).

The stuff that means a lot to me? The long letter I got in the mail the other day from my Grandpa Hawkes. It was a hand written letter with lots of photos in it. It brought me to tears. The letters we have been receiving from Sam’s Grandma and Grandpa Shumway. One of the letters contained his Grandma’s famous cinnamon roll recipe complete with diagrams and thorough descriptions. Sam made four batches of cinnamon rolls trying to perfect that lovely childhood memory of his. He did pretty well too. I love the beautiful Japanese plates we just inherited from Sam’s Japanese grandmother who recently passed away. I love our family pictures, childhood pictures, my journal, Sam’s journal, letters from my parents and other loved ones. I love spending time with family and I love that I was raised by the most amazing parents ever. I can’t believe I found the perfect husband and I am beyond blessed that we have two amazing angels to raise.

My life is not perfect but I am grateful for the imperfect perfection it is. I feel like the luckiest and most blessed girl in the world. It is thanks to those loved ones around me, the knowledge I have, and a good God.

Happy Thanksgiving Week. Here’s to being grateful and happy! Now I better go figure out what I am cooking for TG dinner. Eek!

 You may wonder about all of the amazing pictures I have of myself!!! :) One day as I was on my way to take photos of the kids in their bee costumes, I pulled off on the side of the road and decided to take some photos of myself. This location is literally a minute from our house. It was early and the fog was still settled near the ground. I had been eyeing the yellow wild flowers for weeks. I wanted to use the flowers in photos for SOMEBODY! So, I decided to jump out of the car and take some photos of myself with the self-timer. I am usually the one behind the camera and so I am glad I took the time to take some pics of myself. I have been doing this a bit more lately and I think later I will be happy I did. Back in June I did some photos of Londyn, Trip and I for Father's Day. These were taken at the end of September. And, I did end up using the wild flowers for something even better… our Christmas card photo!